The State of the Sycamore

If the nation and states can do it, so can I…

My current state is…discombobulation. I love that word!

I had to go to doctor last week in St. Louis…I was about 3 months overdue. I know I haven’t been taking the best care of myself, so decided to put it off, hoping I would improve…and didn’t.

I’m pretty fucking lucky…for being 420 pounds, the only obesity-related health condition I have is borderline Type 2 diabetes. Of course, I probably wouldn’t have that if I would just exercise more and eat better. But all a crack addict has to do is quit using crack and they won’t have an addiction anymore. You see where this is going?

The week before Christmas, I was laid off from my job. “Didn’t you move across the state for that job, T?” Well, sorta…I was offered a steady job out here, and after everything that happened during the Season of Hell, I was ready for a fresh start. Fortunately, I wasn’t exactly unemployed…just a week later, I was working for the company again as an independent contractor…full circle, if you will.

I am now officially a small business owner…though I primarily work with my former employer, I’m looking to branch out into other areas. To be continued…

So let’s get back to the St. Louis and Kansas City thing…more often than not, when I go home to St. Louis, I don’t enjoy myself or something bad happens.

And that kills me…that city is in my DNA. There isn’t a part of that city–or metro area for that matter–where I can’t go and I don’t remember something I did or a place I used to hang out. I even think about moving back to St. Louis sometimes…Michelle has looked at jobs out there…and it would be a great place for our family. But I just wonder if so much bad has happened there for me that maybe I need to stay away longer…I’ve only been gone a year and change. It took me 6 years to come back home last time.

And I love Kansas City…it doesn’t replace St. Louis of course, but this city has been a safe haven to me. I was able to recover and heal from the Season of Hell and build a new life here. I met the love of my life here…I have a family here…I have great friends here…I have a business here…but then I wonder if maybe it’s time to go home or somewhere else.

I dunno…I’m grateful for what I have…that much I know…and I try to never take those people and things for granted.

That’s a start, right?

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