2014 and 2015 were mainly about playing by the rule book. That’s not necessarily a bad thing…rules help keep order to the world. But I’ve made a lot of mistakes over the years when it comes to employment and the strategies I’ve used in employment. And I’ve definitely fouled up again over these last two years.
In looking back at the last several months I was in business (which has now become a hibernation), my employment at KU and the months I was unemployed, I seem to have worked from a position of weakness. I made bad decisions…in trying to stay humble and not rock boats, I kept my mouth shut more than I should have. And as I’m sure you’re aware, I have lamented many things and questioned myself a great deal over the past several months.
For many years, I was an impatient shithead, and wasn’t horribly concerned about telling you to stick it. Then I woke the hell up and grew up and started practicing humility. But the problem there was that I have always had some issues with passive-aggressiveness and being timid. I wasn’t as assertive as I should have been. And I probably got walked on more than I should have. And I spent too much time being hurt and angry and frustrated.
I know that I’m an intelligent individual with several skill sets that could be an ideal match in several places. The problem I have is trying to make an employer see that. But I need to remain patient and be confident. As long as I work hard, a little luck is eventually going to come my way. In fact, that luck may have already come.
And I’m a good person that happens to have a lot of friends and acquaintances. Sometimes, people pass into your life only for a moment or two…others come and go…others remain constant. It’s all the ebb and flow of life.
So, at age 40, am I finally reaching my balance point? I hope so.