On fighting weight and demons

I have to have a hernia surgery. It has to be done soon, but it is not critical yet. My doctors would like me to lose some weight before performing the surgery…so for about a month now, I have worked with a dietitian.

I’ve yo-yo dieted all my life…I’ve been fat almost all my life. But in recent years, I’ve been trying to sincerely make changes and live a healthier lifestyle–THAT’S a real diet. Sometimes, the changes stick for a while…a long while. Others, not so much. 4 weeks in, this change is sticking so far.

There are a lot of people out there giving advice right now…Big Pharma vs Big Alternative. And we’ve always had it stressed to us that skinny is the “right” thing; now we have some that seem to be advocating the opposite.

Here is what I KNOW: my poor eating habits have led to several health problems over the past several years, and probably play a role in my anxiety as well. It is not healthy for someone of my height to weigh as much as I did.

So I started eating “better”…not doing a bunch of crazy diet stuff, but I focus mainly on protein. I eat some carbs, though not as many as I used to, and I don’t worry much about fats. And I read labels…and I know what corn can be turned into.

Both my primary care provider and my cardiologist approve of the diet. In three months, I hope to be off Metformin…maybe even another medicine or two. I’m down over 20 pounds and feel physically and mentally better than I have in a long time.

Occasionally, I’ll stop in a gas station to use the restroom…very rarely do I buy anything at one anymore other than gas. I am amazed at how much time I used to spend in these places and how much awful shit I used to buy there and put into my body.

It has taken an extraordinary amount of willpower to get to where I am today. Some days are better than others… And it gets better every day. But the temptations are still there.

I hate hearing shit like, “Well, if you care about x, you’d do it.” Or, “You just have to do it…no excuses.” Yeah…that’s a nice fucking Utopia, isn’t it?

I’m not going to claim to be an expert on addictions, but having dealt with two powerful addictions in my life (nicotine and food), I think I have enough insight to speak on it a little. You can WANT to do something so badly…you can WANT to make a change…but, at least for me, it has taken trigger of sorts to finally say, “Yep, I gotta do it.” And once that trigger hits, your mind is in the right direction…and it makes fighting the addiction MUCH easier than before. It’s still a bitch to get through, but the next thing you know, you’re over the hill and fighting less. And that is the greatest feeling.

If you know me and you are a smoker, you know that I have never given you the “Reformed Smoker” riot act…and I won’t. Now, I may not want to hang out at places where there is a lot of smoke, because it causes me physical issues these days. BUT…I know that is a tough habit to break. And when you’re ready to quit, you will. Hopefully, it won’t be too late for your health though.

So, let me wind this up. Yes…you have to want to make a change. But you have to be ready to do it too.

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